I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize