How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
