That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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