Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
