"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So vagazzling was a success
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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