Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
