As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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