maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
