fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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