No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
