I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
