mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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