K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
