i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
