My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
