Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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