my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
