I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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