my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize