Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize