Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
