My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
