i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
