and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
