You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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