hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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