Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
