just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize