Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize