is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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