Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Everything about him screamed your future.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
