I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
wakey wakey hands off snakey
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
