Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
