Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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