I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
