Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
