I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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