how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
