i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bang-toberfest begins!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
