look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
