lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
