3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
