don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
