I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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