While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
