Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
