I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
