I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My vagina is very pro this idea
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