Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
