So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
