Small penises have feelings too.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
