chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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