Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
