Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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