this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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