my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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