cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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