According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
