My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
