Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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