my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
