Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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