please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
