based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
