i can't believe i had my finger in that
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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