good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
