I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
